A Journey from Victim to Survivor to Courageous Co-Creator
Some of my qualifications include:
- Studied Education (major), Psychology & Philosophy (minor) at TU Dresden and FernUni Hagen, Germany
- Voluntary work in women’s self-help projects
- Certified Specialist in Emancipatory Women’s Project Work, Life Coach & NLP Practitioner
- Graduate of Ryan Eliason’s Visionary Business School
- Involved in the Mental Health & Wellbeing Pilot Project for schools in Bristol
- Community Coach for Success Parenting, Nottingham
But above all, I’m certified by life:
I have been studying, implementing and tweaking all things personal development and self-help from a very young age. Reading has always been my pleasure, and my life line.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father had always wanted a son, but he “only” got three daughters. He acted his narcissistic streaks out on us. By now I can say that I have a good relationship with him, I have been able to forgive and to be compassionate, seeing there was a good deal of unresolved transgenerational trauma. But I can’t deny that my upbringing had taken its toll. Perhaps the worst thing was that we learned we didn’t have to say anything without being asked, we were in this world to please, and we had no right to contradict authority. This set me up as a victim – I just never learnt to say no, or to stand up for myself.
At the age of 12, I was abused by one of my best friends, and I can’t even blame him: How could he have known when I never said no? Two years later, it was a stranger. And then almost every “partner” or “friend” I ever had. They took my body, my service and care, my money – I never said no. I always thought I had to give even more, and maybe then I would be loved. But that never happened.
Instead, I ended up as a single mom, a university dropout, always broke, suicidal, self-harming, suffering from severe depression, social anxiety and fibromyalgia.
And yet, today I am happily married, I found meaning and joy in my own coaching business that allows me to help others, and I am doing ONLY what I really want. I evolved from victim to survivor to courageous co-creator.
What helped me pull through? To be honest, I am not 100% sure how I did it. Obviously, there is a lot of strength, resilience and zest for life in me by default : ) But I am also a great believer in synchronicity, and it is true, I’ve always met wonderful people along the way who helped me take the next hurdle. Eventually, I developed a mindset of “Whenever I really need help, I will get it.” And this never failed me. In hindsight, though, it wasn’t the best mindset I could have had, because it required me to be in quite some predicament before I could hope to get help. And, it may have cut me off from my own resourcefulness to some extent.
But it still holds true that what helped me most was meeting people who understood me – who really saw and heard me, and who didn’t judge. People who empathized but didn’t commiserate. Instead, they made me see how I already had everything I needed inside myself. They helped me love myself, and grow my roots, only to spread my wings and fly.
Even before all that, in the deepest suffering, I knew I wanted to get into some kind of counselling, coaching, or mentoring. This has been a talent of mine from earliest childhood. I don’t judge (well, not much at any rate), I always see potential in people, even when they are not aware of it themselves, and I love to watch them grow – or take them by the hand when they make the leap, from the dark place where I had once been, too, to such a wonderful life as I am living now. I know how to bridge the gap, and it is my greatest pleasure to help others build their bridges as well.
I have found that there is a wealth of different approaches out there, and none is “better” than another in that they all work for certain people, under certain circumstances. However, the true transformation is never in the method itself, but in a new way of being as it unfolds within the relationships with ourselves and others. Simplicity is key – most people do not have the time or even willingness to follow a rigid practice over a long period of time before tangible results become apparent. Likewise, there are some “quick fixes” which make us feel better immediately, but the effect wears off soon and the underlying issues may still remain unresolved and tend to come up again in different contexts and shapes.
Therefore, my Courageous Co-Creators Coaching is very individual – I hold a secure, loving space for my clients where they can discover and speak their truth, and then experiment and play! Drawing from my rich “toolbox” of modalities and resources, we co-create empowering experiences and encounters which allow integration of whatever comes up with joy and love, avoiding the overwhelm of too much theoretic input. I witness and honour my clients’ pain, and then walk with them as they transition into a new life of happiness, fulfilment and meaning.
If you are interested in one-on-one coaching with me, apply for a free, no-obligations strategy session here: https://beyondsurvival.as.me/
From my own experience, I know that many people who are still in the victim or survivor stages also struggle financially and doubt that an investment in coaching could create the turnaround in their lives that they are craving for. To serve this clientele, I am designing a program that includes a private Facebook group and regular group coaching calls, at a very low price point. It is due to start in early 2018.
To receive updates on this and other projects I’m working on, please subscribe to my mailing list: https://forms.aweber.com/form/29/116883729.htm
For any questions, feedback or joint venture requests, you’re welcome to email me at Kathy@kathyeliwa.com
Visit me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Courageous.CoCreators.Coaching